I wish I didn’t have to share this lesson 8 years after starting Quietly Powerful.

It has also been 12 years since Susan Cain‘s book, “Quiet”, and her TED talk went public, and there have been many other authors and coaches sharing ideas on quietness – whether it’s to do with introversion, cultural conditioning, power dynamics including silencing.

Despite all of this work, there still seems to be a stigma for being quiet. It’s a reality that can’t be ignored.

I was reminded of this by someone who shared the current reality for them just recently:

“I have always felt a bit uncomfortable about sharing Quietly Powerful posts on LinkedIn, because having upper leadership following my profile made me uncomfortable as there were elements of it not feeling like a safe space or topic. I would have felt uncomfortable asking for access to Quietly Powerful courses as part of my professional development, for example.”

I also receive private messages from people who want to support the Quietly Powerful messages and are not comfortable to share publicly.

Very early on, I was even warned against the idea of Quietly Powerful for my work, because it would not be something people would want to associate themselves with.

It reminded me of a mother who attended one of the breakfasts I hosted at the very beginnings of Quietly Powerful.

The mother told me about her teenage daughter and son, where the daughter was the quiet one and the son was the gregarious, sporty, popular one. We were all quite emotional to hear from her that her daughter came to her one day and said, “Why am I not more like my brother, Mum?”

The problem is that this stigma is internalised and becomes a vicious cycle. Quieter people believe that being quieter is a negative trait, which causes them to feel like there is something wrong with them, which holds them back from contributing their best in their authentic way. As a result they don’t perform at their best, as they become even quieter or they fake being louder.

Sadly, many people don’t even realise that they have internalised this message that being quiet is a weakness.

But as I have been saying now for over 8 years, with evidence from real Quietly Powerful leaders – your quiet nature is your hidden leadership strength. Quiet can be powerful if you know how to use it.

So I have a question for you: How can we tackle this stigma?

This article is Lesson 5 in a series on ‘8 lessons from 8 years of Quietly Powerful’. View the other posts at #QP8thbirthday.

Written by Megumi Miki, with Anna Reeve and Leigh Gassner, co-founders of Leaders who Listen. We aim to develop leaders who create a listening environment of safety and space within their organisations to enable better decision making, drive growth and innovation, enhance collaboration and inclusion, and manage risk. If you’d like to understand how your leadership team can engage in productive disagreements, contact us about our Leaders who Listen assessment tools, presentations, masterclasses and development programs.